the princess the hipster and the nerd
by Gooey Witch
Summary: Short fics set in a separate universe from all my others. Written to prompts, songs, or when I feel like it. Also on ao3.
1. signs of sleepless nights

Lately, Eridan hasn't been getting enough sleep. You first noticed this when he started taking an extra cup of coffee, which wouldn't seem strange if he didn't already drink half the pot every morning. You next noticed when he came home late on a night that you were sleepless, and didn't go to bed. Third sign, he started becoming grumpier than usual, as in, snap at every little thing grumpy. Fourth sign, he was confused when you asked what he wanted from the Chinese place. He gave you the most out of it look and actually asked what you meant.

Feferi confronted him about it. She had to - you would've been too aggressive about it, she says. So she sat him down on the plush couch and asked him if he was okay. He squinted at her a moment, then shrugged and said he was fine. You told her he'd do that. You decided that, today, you would try.

Question is, where the hell is Eridan even at? You haven't seen him since this morning, and you're pretty sure he never left the house. (Which, in all honesty, is a relief. With how foggy he's been you don't want him driving anyway.)

"Eridan?" you call as you check the rooms. Where the fuck did he go? You sigh, walking back into the kitchen, where Feferi is sitting at the table and messing with one of those "do it yourself" jewelry/charm kits. "Hey, FF, you seen ED?" She looks up, her fingers tangled in strings.

"I thought I saw him go into the laundry room?" she suggests, pursing her lips. You shrug, going to check anyway. You find that you're surprised.

There's Eridan, asleep in a pile of clothes fresh from the drier. He looks peaceful, glasses lopsided on his face. You smile, chuckling under your breath as you fetch Feferi to help you move him to the bedroom.

It's a chore, moving him. He's taller than both of you, and you aren't particularly strong. Feferi kind of is, but it's mostly in her legs. The two of you struggle to carry him to the bedroom, and try to set him on the bed without waking him. Though when you think about it, he'll probably be asleep for awhile. Feferi leaves to finish the laundry, but as you watch his face, his expression of serenity, you feel you're a little tired yourself.


	2. sneaky spider shenanigans

It's there. Watching you. Sitting smugly in the corner behind the coffee machine. You can almost hear it's spidery laughter.

"Feeeeeef!" you whine loudly, and soon Feferi enters the kitchen.

"What is it, Eridan?" she asks, looking adorably confused.

"Aranea's spider. Right there. Watchin' me. Look at it, the cocky bastard," you mutter the last part darkly, glaring at the offending insect. Feferi follows your gaze before shrieking and hiding behind you. You pout at her. "You're fuckin' useless, you know that?"

"I don't like spiders any more than you, you know," she pouts right back at you.

After several failed attempts at apprehending Aranea's precious tarantula, the two of you finally give up and call on Sollux.

"What is going on in here?" he asks, sounding more than a bit miffed and with his hands on his hips. "I was in the middle of a game."

You both give him your best pouting faces. "Aranea's spider got out," you whine. He stares at the two of you before pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing.

"You two are hopeless," he says, grabbing a plastic container and slowly setting it over the spider. He leaves it for a moment, going into the sort-of office and coming back out with a filing folder. He slides the folder under the container and lifts it up, showing you the trapped spider. "Wow, that was so difficult."

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm," you mutter, glaring at him.

"I'm sure you don't," he says, walking into the guest room, presumably slipping the spider back into it's crate. Feferi giggles, kissing his cheek in thanks. He looks at you expectantly.

"What?"

"Aren't you gonna smother me in affection as a thank you?"

"Fuck off," you say, shoving him. He laughs, but you do kiss him appreciatively.


	3. viva la pluto, asshole

You aren't sure how long Eridan's been going on about Pluto, but you're tired of hearing about it. Feferi is sitting calmly on the couch, sipping her tea and listening to Eridan's seemingly never-ending rant.

"I mean seriously, Pluto has been a planet for ages, they can't just suddenly decide that it isn't anymore! What kind of bullshit is that?" he goes on, pacing back and forth behind the couch. Feferi just hums along. You pinch the bridge of your nose and sigh.

"Eridan, shut up. It doesn't matter that Pluto isn't a planet anymore," you say. Feferi looks up. Eridan freezes entirely.

"What did you just say?" he asks quietly, barely even turning towards you.

"It doesn't matter if Pluto is a planet anymore. It's just another rock in space," you tell him. He remains completely still for a moment, but you can see him begin to take a deep breath. He whirls around, wielding double middle fingers as he explodes out,

"VIVA LA PLUTO, FUCK YOU!"


End file.
